hello rain and darkness
When I hit adulthood I spent a lot of time hating on fundamentalists and creationism. But now that I’ve put distance between myself and the religious community, I find myself way more puzzled than angry. WTF does science do that is so terrible? Imagine (!) for a moment that the current scientific consensus on the Big Bang and evolution is true, but also that the Bible is divinely inspired. Like, the one true divine being literally sat some dudes down and was like, “Hey, I got some stuff to say, write it down.”
And then God proceeds to explain how the universe came into being and how biological life on the earth proliferated and arrived in its present state. At some point it just seems like the writer would be like,
“Whoa, whoa, whoa, God. This shit is crazy and I don’t understand it. How about I just skip ahead to the part where you make people?”
“BUT YOU’RE LEAVING OUT ALL THE GOOD BITS!”
“No one is going to want to read about a billion years of obscure processes that I frankly cannot grasp. Believe me, we better condense this stuff into seven days or less. Besides, who cares about how we came into being? Isn’t it more important to know how to lead our lives?”
I am woefully underequipped to redo furniture. I don’t really know anything about shop tools or paint or varnish. I don’t own a sander. I’ve never even used a sander.
But just because you’re completely incompetent doesn’t mean you can’t try!
And in any case, the furniture I set out to redo looked like such ass that whatever I threw at it was bound to be an improvement.
This coffee table was a holdback from the bad old days, when Nimbus and I lived in a student 1 bedroom four or five blocks off the Cal campus. The apartment had just been his for about two years prior, and was horribly dirty from neglect. Half of the furniture was still unbuilt, Liz Lemon style, and while cleaning I would constantly discover bizarre surprises, like a jar of green liquid under the kitchen sink (algae supplements for healthy shakes) or a ladle in a bathroom cabinet, covered in something unctuous and brown (it was not poop, but you can understand why I thought it was).
The table was actually not a terrible piece of furniture– it’s actual wood and it doesn’t wobble. But the top was covered with a big piece of something leathery or cardboardy that was clearly peeling all around the edges, and had collected all kind of disgusting things– the cheeto dust and other debris of our college days– in between it and the wood of the table.
I took off the top and sanded down the gluey raw wood underneath as best I could, then applied a coat of primer all around.
I added a coat of gloss white, covered the edges in painter’s tape and trash bags, and then spray painted the very top in blue.
Several mishaps and stencilings later, I came up with this. The stencils come from a pack of premade Martha Stewart stencils, because Michaels apparently doesn’t sell plain stencil paper, and I didn’t feel like sitting down for a couple of hours and pain-stakingly Exacto-ing out my own, either. (I mean, I don’t even have a printer right now, so that wasn’t an option anyways.)
I originally did the stencils with a Sharpie paint pen, but that was 1) a pain in the ass, and 2) I fucked it up twice in TWO ENTIRELY DIFFERENT WAYS. Third time’s the charm– and the third time, I just used a sponge brush and some acrylic paint.
I still used the pen for the text in the center:
So what do you think?
I’m in a no-blogging rut. As you might infer, things got a little busy between the end of October and the beginning of January. Like some kind of a crazy high-pressure final exams situation at an elite law school.
Sometimes, the best way to break out of a no-blog rut is to not blog. Just post a tumblr-esque chaotic sprawl of pictures.
Here we go.
Everyone told me about how nice autumn is in New England. None of them told me was only going to last a month and a half. It’s like God is trying to lightly blanch me and and then chill me, like a tomato that needs its skin taken off.
Law school might be getting to me. It’s a difficult admission to make, but when the sole pleasure in your entire week was that hilarious thing your classmate said in Property, yes, law school is probably getting to me.
(The classmate formerly worked as a quant at a financial company, and said that she was “deeply disturbed” by the openness of the criteria in a valuation process for a medical license in a divorce proceeding we read about, because it might lead to people planning to serve divorce papers when the interest rate is low).
But here’s something nice to look at:
I miss home a lot. This has certainly has been an interesting adventure– it’s always interesting to traipse down into Gollum’s cave and answer his riddles. It’ll make for a good story when I’m back. But damn, it’s dark in here, and some of these riddles are pretty hard.
An excerpt from my Torts casebook:
Soon, however, Rutherford’s presence in the compactor activated the machine’s electric eye, and he was compacted before Callier or his companions could locate the deactivation switch.
Oakland went up in a blaze of tear gas and rubber bullets, as I sat in a New England dorm room, reading about Federal Rule of Civil Procedure 8(a)(2).
How can there be so many things wrong with the world?
Where do we even begin?
Man I’ve been off the radar for like a month. Sorry about that.
So what have I been up to? Reading, research, writing. You know, stuff like that.
Did you know that in legal writing, the period at the end of “Id.” is always italicized?
Id. – correct
Id. – INCORRECT. CALL THE LAWYER POLICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1